To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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