my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need moral support for this bender
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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