New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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