So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Houston, we have a squirter
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
