The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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