are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
