can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
