also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
