On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
