the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
