I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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