I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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