how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
