doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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