i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
FUCK WHALES
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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