If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
People in love make me want to vomit
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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