omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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