he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
