I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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