I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
