i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
