I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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