I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
