what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
