i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
