It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
