So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
