So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
