Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
