when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
