a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
