Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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