That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
