im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize