i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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