"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize