I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
