you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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