If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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