so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
