listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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