That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
