so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
