Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
