last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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