do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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