You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
