you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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