votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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