We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
