Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
