I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
