how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
