I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
