Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
