I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
