I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
