I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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