Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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