Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
