Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
