she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
