Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
