I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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