So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
